Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Missed Connections

Conversation I overheard the other day:

User: I don't have internet connectivity, so I'll have to forward you this email.

"Remote waste of time"

People don't seem to understand that "Remote Desktop" is only useful if the computer you are trying to remote into is turned on. This is pretty much, word for word a conversation I had with a user the other day.

User: My remote desktop doesn't work, I can't login to my computer here at work.
Me: Okay, was the computer turned on?
User: (irritated) Yes, of course my laptop was turned on, that was what I was using to remote into my work computer!
Me: No, ma'am... the computer at your office, was that turned on?
User: Why does that need to be on?
Me: So you can connect to it?

This conversation actually went back and forth for a good 30 seconds, she could not get it through her head that the computer she wanted to access had to be turned on in order to access it.

/facepalm

Monday, November 23, 2009

Thats why....

... you never give a user administrator rights. Someone dropped off their laptop today because they wanted Office 2007 installed on it. He will be getting it back with alot less. Aside from the normal things (Firefox, iTunes, GChat) there were a couple of other programs installed that I found very entertraining (keep in mind, this is a government issue laptop): Thinking Rabbit Adventure and Command and Conquer Generals. I guess he's trying to save the virtual DC before moving on to the real one?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

You, Me and TV

The other day our "Command Center" was opened up for a training exercise. I was one of the tech's assigned to making sure the attendee's where able to access their information without any issues, and answer any questions they where going to have. These questions, also include me being an optometrist.

User: Will I be able to see the presentation?
Me: I don't know, can you see this TV? (Pointing to a 46" television that is showing the presenter, which is no more than 2 feet away)

"The Gang gets a Book"

Our office has recently taken to the idea of writing down all the funny things they hear on a daily basis and putting them into a book. They have called it their "One D Ten T" book. What a GREAT idea... I wish someone told them about this idea a few months ago! :-/

Anyway, here are a few excerpts from said book:

"I don't use laptops, does the Shift Key capitalize the letters?"

User: Why does my computer keep beeping?
Tech: You are pressing the CTRL Key instead of the Shift Key. The Shift key capitalizes the letters.

User: Okay, so I don't have to click on this 'e' icon for internet, I just type google?
Tech: No, you still need to open up Internet Explorer.

User: When the battery low is flashing, do I just need to plug it in?
Tech: Yes.

These are not all the quotes from the book, just some of my personal favorites.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Privacy

More helpful tips from your helpdesk. If you see your IT guy in the bathroom, do NOT asking him questions while he is urinating.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Man, two Blogs in less than a week, it must be getting more busy around here!

Ordinarily, I would try to fill up a blog with as much fluff as I can to help describe the story and setup the anticpation of "Oh man, what is this person going to do now?" but I'm just going to cut to the chase, mainly because this person just came out swinging.
This particular All-Star came into the office to pick up her laptop. I escorted her to the testing area, and asked her to login. She could not get past the "Okay" window.
"Go ahead and just click on 'Okay" I tells her.
She begins to Right Click.
"No ma'am... Left Click.
"But I'm not left handed."

/facepalm

Friday, September 18, 2009

A few of my favorite things

Its been a relatively slow month of September for us here. I hate to say we "need" a hurricane to liven things up, but FEMA could use a disaster or two to help spiff up my blog.

We've been updating laptops over the past few days/weeks, and I find it entertaining when people come into our office to say things like "I need to have my profile created on my laptop" (which just involoves the user logging in), or "I need to have my password updated" (which again, is just the user logging into their laptop). The other day, I did notice a first, and felt that it was a sight worth blogging about. What is it you ask? The "Show Desktop" icon located wherelese, but on the desktop. Not in the system tray, or taskbar, but on the ACTUAL desktop.

*sigh*

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

"SAVE THE CLOCK TOWER"

Just when I thought that August was going to

be a slow month for my All-Stars, I struck gold!

The conversation started with the user asking me when we were going to update to Windows 2007. I said probablly never, because it doesn't exist. She replied with "Well, I'm running it at my house!" "Are you sure you aren't running Vista?" "Oh....."

So, she tells me that her system clock is off by about 4 minutes, and it is making her late to meetings. I told her that is most likely her system battery as the first indication that it is weak is the system clock slows down. So I boot into her profile, and her clock shows the same time as the phone on her desk. I told her the clock is fine, and she argued with me. I said okay... Computer - 3:31, Telephone -3:31, my Blackberry - 3:31. She then looked at her watch, and to which I responded "Maybe its time to get a new watch battery."

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

CTRL+C=WTF

My winning ticket for the day had the headline of "User needs assistance in backing up R and M to IronKey. Thinking there was more to this ticket than that, I optimistically went to the office. I was wrong. It was simply a "Copy and Paste" ticket.
What got me though wasn't his ineptitude, but the fact that as I was leaving, he said "That was really easy, why couldn't the girl on the phone help me?"
"Excuse me?"
"I spent almost an hour talking to your phone support, and the girl on the other end had no idea how to do what I was asking."

/sigh

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The One without a title

Yesterday, I was 'tapped' to be the tech for an exercise that the DHS is conducting. Its easy enough, I just need to walk through a room of about 100 people every half-hour or so, and see if anyone needs any "technical assistance". Simple enough...

I watch a user go to the printer. I notice him staring at the blinking light. I notice him staring at the LCD screen. He then comes to me saying he can't print. Well, thinking "everyone else seems to be printing okay, maybe he just has a bad connection", I go to his desk and click "Print Test Page", and the process goes through, however, I notice the "attention" light blinking on the printer. I walk over to the printer. I notice the SAME blinking light. I look at the SAME LCD screen. Anyone want to guess as to what was on the screen? If you guessed "Out of Paper" you are smarter than this guy.

*sigh*

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Change of pace

While this does not have anything to do with "ID10Ts", it was a humorous exchange of words that I feel compelled to write about, and before anyone says anything, no, I was a participant in the conversation, just an observer.

Person 1: *Person 2*, do you remember the other day when you elluded to someone wanting my sack?
Person 2: I'm on the phone.....
User on Speaker phone: I can call back.


ROFL

Thats why...

Installing software for people is always an adventure. Users are dumb, which is why we don't give them Admin rights. Some people, just don't understand why that is. They want to have as much control over their workstations as they do on their home computers. For example...

User: Why can't I install this program?
Me: Because you don't have admin. rights.
User: Well, why can't I have admin rights?
Me: What do you need them for?
User: So I can install stuff.
Me: THAT is why.

Monday, June 29, 2009

(Insert movie title here)


User needs help setting up new wireless keyboard. Sounds simple enough. I approach the user, and she tells me that she is unable to setup her new keyboard because she does not have admin rights. She then proceeds to hand me the keyboard. I flipped it over and removed the battery cap, and *gasp* there are no batteries. So, I show her there are no batteries in the keyboard. She is LOOKING at the location where the batteries go.
"Batteries?! Well, how many do I need?"
"One.... Two... Two batteries" (I really wanted to do "The Count" laugh, but I didn't want her to feel THAT stupid)
She finally returns with batteries, and I "Setup" the keyboard. By setup, I mean... put the batteries in and hit the "Sync" button. The keyboard worked without fail, nor being prompted for Administrator Rights.
"Oh... do you think the batteries are what the issue was?"
"That my bet ma'am."

Monday, June 22, 2009

Hard Drive? More like Hard Headed



On Friday (at about 3:00pm) we were informed that there were several computers that had something on them that they shouldn't, and it needed to be handled as soon as possible. So, our solution was just to go to the users desk and remove the hard drives. The task was simple enough.



"Okay ma'am, I need you to finish/save what you are doing, and power down your computer, I'm here to take your hard drive."
"Okay!" she said in an almost TOO optimistic manner. I was about to find out why.

Two minutes later.

"Okay, we're good. I have your hard drive, and with any luck you COULD have this back my Monday, but there is no gurantee."
"Alright, thanks. Can I go back to work now?"
"Do you have another hard drive?"
"No."
"Well then, seeing as I have your hard drive, no, you can not do any work."
"Oh, well can I at least turn my computer on?"
"Again... I have your hard drive, you can not do anything."
"Oh... well, can I at least get to my personal files?"
/facepalm

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Master of NO Domain

"User unable to open links"

That is what my ticket informed is wrong with this "user". If only.

I go into the persons office, and find out that he is a web developer for FEMA, and he is currently working on a new site. However, he is unable to open links, but the people he sends the file to can. I begin to investigate.

Like any 'good tech', I sit down and begin clicking aimlessly to appear to look like I know what I'm doing. I click a few of the links, and everything appears to work fine.

The user comes back, and I explain to him that I am not having any problems opening links, but maybe I'm missing something. So, I repeat the steps I did, and show him that it works. He was amazed.

"How did you do that?"
"Well, I clicked on 'Preview in IE7 and then...."
"Oh... wait... preview in what now? Where is that?" He then proceeded to write down what to press, and where it was located. This button is not hard to find, it is located on the toolbar, and if you hover over it, a little popup appears that says "Preview in IE7".

I feel like if you are in charge of making a webiste for the government, you MIGHT need to know how to you know, develop websites.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Our tax dollars at work

"I need some help."
Sporting my bright yellow FEMA "IT Support Staff" windbreaker, I walk over to assist a user sitting in front of his blank monitor. I am designated as support (Here's something for the pain! That was a little Bad Company humor) for a training session going on regarding the hurricane tracking software we use.
"I do not have Hurrevac installed." Now, these are Clear Box computers. This means, there is no tower to speak of. Everything plugs into a little box, that is controlled by the a server, so for HIS computer to be the only computer without this program, seemed a little odd to me. Now, to this guys credit, he WAS searching his "C:" for the program, so for a MOMENT, I actually believed him. However, once again, my faith in users was shattered.
It took me all of 5 seconds to find the software. Anyone want to guess where it was?

Start -> All Programs.

*sigh*

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

We have another All-Star!
Once again, this story involves dealing with blackberry's... they are rapidly becoming the most frustrating thing to work with, however, they also supply me with material for this blog, so I can't complain TOO much. However...

I walked into the users office, whom immediately asked me "How do I activate this thing?" I told her she needed to call the number listed and supply the information that is provided on the sheet of paper. Her response: "Well, how am I suppose to call on a phone thats not activated?" ".... with your desk phone?"
"Ohhhhhh..."

Is this thing on?

Please to make sure that your monitor is turned on BEFORE you open a ticket saying that your docking station does not work.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

If you can't type...

Words of advice. If you are going to contact your helpdesk because you can not get to a website, please, make sure you are typing in the proper address. Web browser can only go to the websites you tell them to go to. If you can't get to a training website because you can't type, thats your fault, not the computers. Similarly, if you do not know how to type, but can "Copy and Paste", make sure that when you "copy" you only highlight the portion that is relevant to the destination site. If you copy the ")", paste that into the address bar and hit search, you will get a "website not found" error. Once again, that is on you, not the computer.

I believe that instead of having error messages that are caused by users, Windows should pop up a "USER FAIL!" message.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Technical Assistance

http://abstrusegoose.com/136

People that should NOT have Blackberry's

I get a ticket that required me to go see a user who had forgotten her password to her blackberry. Now, at the time, we where told there is no "Password Reset" ability, so if a password is forgotten, the only form of 'fixing' it is to delete the Blackberry, and do a fresh install. The process isn't as bad as it sounds because everything is saved on the server, it is just annoying when the problem is caused by someone being an ID10T.

So, I go up, speak to said user, and I begin the process of deleting/reinstalling. Once the wipe was complete, I handed it back to her (she was sitting in her chair at her desk), and said can you please plug it in for me.

The look I got back was very similar to the look my dog gives me when I make a noise it has not heard before. The tilted-head, blank look of "I heard something come out of your mouth, but I have no earthly idea what it means". So, thinking that MAYBE she's just not use to hearing the term "plugged in" I say, attach the USB cable to the Blackberry and computer. She digs in her drawer and pulls out a USB cable, at which time I breathed a sigh of relief that I was not dealing with a moron. That breath was stopped short.

She was able to successfully plug the proper end of the USB cable into the blackberry on her first attempt... and thats where it stopped.

If you are a fan of a show called "The Simpsons", and you remember the episode that Mr. Burns lost the power-plant and needed to start from scracth to re-amass his great empire, you will know EXACTLY what look I'm about to describe. Mr. Burns is in the grocery store, in the middle of the isle saying "Catsup.... Ketchup....Catsup...Ketchup". The woman had NO idea what to do with the other end of the cable. I wish the story stopped there.

I moved her out of the way, and plugged the rectangle end into the rectangle hole, and finished the process of resyncnig the device. As I'm getting ready to leave she says, "How do I get the globe to work?" Baffled, I asked what do you mean, what globe. "Well, on my personal blackberry..." (that phrase alone confused me, how does someone who has their OWN blackberry, NOT know about USB cables?!) "...when I click on the globe icon, things like CNN pop up." I began to explain to her that our phones do not have the internet feature enabled on them, to which she said "Well, how do I get to CNN?". Stunned, I retold her "Again, ma'am, the internet feature is not turned on in our contract, so you can not surf the web on your blackberry."

I $h*t you not, her final response to me was "So... I can't get to CNN?"

*sigh*

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Outlook looks grim

Yesterday, I got a ticket regarding a user not being able to access a shared calender in Outlook. I go upstairs and take a look, and sure enough, the calender is blank. I check her permissions, and everything seems to be in order.
"I really HAVE to see whats in this calender, its very important! Everyone has access to it!" I decide to do some research on my own, but find nothing. She calls me at my desk, restressing the importance of this calender. So, I go back upstairs, do some more looking around, only to find out.....

THE CALENDER HAS NOT HAD ANYTHING ADDED TO IT!!! THERE IS NOTHING IN THERE TO SHARE!!!!!!

Friday, April 3, 2009

And the Winner is.......

I really feel like I should just quit blogging after this. I really can't imagine there will be any story that will be able to top this. Looking back at some previous posts, I can make cases for all (Well... most... the foreign keyboard story is pretty bad), of the people I come across, but not this one.

It started off with a ticket stating something to effect of "My margins in Word are off." So, I call down to the user, no answer, so I write an email to her advising her to call/email me back when she is available. About five minutes later I got an email from the Helpdesk stating:
"... is trying to get in touch w/you regarding your message you left her; however, her email is down. She said she is still having computer troubles."

Now, that is bad enough... but it gets BETTER!

I go down to take a look at why she is not recieving emails only to discover....
OUTLOOK WAS NOT OPEN!! (Yes, when outlook was opened, she could recieve emails.)

*sigh*

The Ticket that could have been....

Yesterday, before I made my morning rounds... and by rounds I mean go get coffee, my boss says "Nick, I just sent you this ticket. Before you go down there, come get me, I want to see this." So, I laughed it off and said okay, but he was serious. He REALLY wanted me to come get him. So I said, alright, I'll come back and get you in a few minutes. I decided as I was walking downstairs, that I'm going to have a hard enough time keeping a straight face dealing with this user, so I should just handle it myself without my boss enabling me.
To my dismay, the ticket was assigned to the wrong building, so I was not able to actually troubleshoot it, but when you read the subject, I'm sure even the simpliest mind can deduce what the problem was.

Ticket Subject: "No power, computer don't turn on"

The Password is:

This doesn't really rate very high on the ID10T scale, but I'm going to post it because the conversation that took place to resolve the issue frustrated me. I recieved a ticket regarding setting up a users Blackberry. So, I go up there, and he tells me that he needs a password for it. I was like.. umm.. okay.. put a password in.
"No, I mean I need THE password for it, I don't know what it is." Befuddled by his request, I asked to see his blackberry. Sure enough, his Blackberry had been setup, and was configured to him. I knew this because the BLACKBERRY SAID WELCOME *insert user name here*!! So I ask him if he was here when he setup the bb, and he said he was. I was like okay... well... what password did you use?
"Oh, I never setup a password."
Now, mind you, THE FIRST STEP to setting up a Blackberry is configuring a password.
If you forget your password, thats fine, just admit it. I'm far less likely to write about you if you're honest with me.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

When it rains....

My lack of posts lately is not due to the people in my building suddenly becoming computer smart, I've just been more tolerant of "Special" people lately. Thankfully, yesterday changed that.

I recieved a ticket regarding "Excel not printing properly", so I went up to the room to investigate. Turns out, the person who was requesting assitance was in fact, one of the women who accused me of giving them a foreign keyboard.
"Excels not printing right" is how I was greeted. So I proceeded to follow up with the normal questions.. How long has it been not printing right? What is wrong about it? yada yada. "It ain't printing everything." So I ask her to show me what she means. She clicks print, selects a printer, however, the printer does not print anything. "Oh yeah, its doing that too!" Well, I take a look at the screen, and right there in the top right corner "Out of Paper, Please reload". So, I roll my eyes, and load the paper. She clicks print, again nothing happens. Turns out, she was printing to the WRONG printer. Now, if that was the 'only' issue, I probablly wouldn't even blog about it because she was attempting to print to a Xerox printer, and apparently her computer is mapped to two different Xerox printers (I can only imagine the frustration the users of the OTHER printer must be feeling having to wait for this woman to print a 150 page document, who isn't even in their office), so its an honest mistake to make.
I wish I could say the same for the rest of the conversation.
"Lemme show you what I mean..." she goes through the process of printing, and selects the "Print Pages: " button... but she doesn't input a number. The printer begins printing the 150 page document. So I jump in, and stop the print job and pick up what printed. I had the forsight to change the setting to "Landscape" hoping to make just an outright fool of her. This was not the case.
"See, it don't print everything!"
"Well, let me take a look."
I begin scrolling through the document, which is a list of contacts. The columns go from "A" to AB"! I tried to explain to her that the document is too long to print.
"Well, what if I put it on an 11 by 13?"
"You'll more likely need an 11 by 100"

*pre-post edit*
I tried typing out the rest of the conversation, but it really is just a waste of time. The only thing that was accomplished in that particular five minute segment of my life was that she did not undersand the concept of the document being too wide to be able to print. She then wanted me to import an Excel file into Access. I told her that is not possible (if it is, please let me know).
This too, took another several minutes to explain.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

"FIZZBIN!!!"

This link was sent to me, and I think its a great idea, so check it out!
http://www.hanselman.com/blog/FizzBinTheTechnicalSupportSecretHandshake.aspx

Monday, March 16, 2009

More of an IDIOT....

So, this is how my day started. I got out of bed. Okay... we'll jump to the 'How my work day' started. I get a ticket to "Install a Printer". Simple enough. Trying to be ahead of the game, I decide I'll call the user first, find out what kind of print device she is using, download the drivers so I can easily install the necessary software. This is how the conversation went:

Me: This is Nick with the helpdesk.
Her: Hi.
Me: I understand you need a printer hooked up?
Her: Yes.
Me: Okay, what kind is it.
Her: HP.
Me: Okay... what KIND of printer?
Her: HP.
Me: Okay... what is the NUMBER on the printer?
Her: I don't know.
Me: Okay... can you look?
Her: Its in the other room.
Me: Ah. Okay, well what room is that?
Her: The room next to mine!
Me: Ma'am.. there are lots of rooms in HQ, can you plese tell me the room number?
Her: *gives me a room number*

At this point, everyone in my office is laughing at me, and tell me "good luck".

I take a deep breath and go on my way to help out this pleasent person. To my surprise, the HP (a 6300 to anyone that cares), was already in the room. I decide the first thing to do is remove her old printer, which I was moving "next door". I get to the next room, with the printer in hand, and ask her "Where do you want this to go?" She responds "Well, where CAN it go?" I smiled to myself, but bit my tounge. I then re-asked her "Well... it can go anywhere... where do you want it?" "Well, it has to be hooked up to a computer right?" "Only if you want it to print ma'am."

*sigh*

Thursday, March 12, 2009

QWERT...WHY?!


Yesterday I'm assigned a ticket for a VIP, a new director needs to have her computer setup and configured for her stay here at HQ. Now, I ASSUME (yes, I know what assuming does), that VIP stands for Very Incompetent Person, because that is the kind of person you get when the "VIP" box is checked yes.

So, I head upstairs, and I introduce myself to said VIP, and tell her what I'll be doing, and hand her a piece of paper that she needs to fill out to have her Blackberry authorized. By the look on her face, you would have thought I crapped in my hand and flung it at her. She asked, "Well, can't you do it for me?"
"No ma'am, I can not put your signature on this form."
So, I go into her office, configure her computer, get everything setup, tell her she is setup and that I will check on her tomorrow morning to make sure everythig is working fine.

A few hours later...

I pass her "assistant" as she is leaving my office, and she looks at me and tells me that the password I gave the VIP is wrong, and she can not log into the system. Mind you, this is the password I USED to get into her system in the first place to configure her files. So, we gave them a new password to use, and they continuted to complain that there was something wrong. They then accused me of swapping out keyboads, and giving them one that uses a foreign language. Yes, thats right. They THOUGHT I GAVE THEM A FOREIGN KEYBOARD!!

This morning...

Sticking true to my word, I take a deep breath, smile, and walk upstairs to check on my All-Stars. Sure enough, her assistant is there to greet me, I ask if the VIP is in, she says yes. She then tells me that there where other issues with the computer, and that I screwed up the configuration, and she STILL couldn't get in. She wouldn't tell me what the problem was, all she would tell me is "I called your boss, and he had to help us." I begin walking to the VIPs office, she is watching me go to the closed door. She stares at me while I knock on the door. She then advises me that she is not in her office, she is at an orientation class. Thanks. As far as the "Screw up" was concerned, the new "Director" was typing in her passord.... with MY NAME in the 'LOGIN' field!

*sigh*

(I'm sure the title to this post has been used by someone before, but I did come up with it on my own, and I'm VERY proud of it)

Friday, March 6, 2009

Ah, THERE it is!

As luck would have it, this is post is actually a pt. II of the previous one. In fairness to the user, he is not the one that opened the ticket, that however, does NOT excuse what he told me when I got there.

User: Can you also take a look at my speakers, I can't seem to get any sound.
(can anyone guess where this is going?)
Me: Sure, let me see...[Nick presses "Mute" button and "Up" on the Volume. Music begins to play]
User: What did you?
Me: Oh the...umm... volume button was stuck.

*sigh*

English Anyone?

Remedy is the software we use for recieving Helpdesk tickets. Its a fairly straight forward program, users type a "Subject" of the problem, choose a catergory that it should go under, then write a little summary of said issue. Every now and then, we get some gems of a ticket, take for example the one I just recieved. I Sh*t you not, this is what the WHOLE ticket stated:

"Excel keeps asking erroring out"

*sigh*

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The honor goes too...

How I'm actually going to format this, I'm not quite sure yet, so for now, I'm just going to post comments and conversations as they happen on a case by case basis. So, my first "USER" (acroynm TBD) Award goes to:

Them: I’m getting duplicate copies of emails in my inbox , as well as the PST folders. Help!!!!
Me: So, you're recieving a total of 4 copies of an email?
Them: No two
Me: *sigh*

My Mishon Statemint

Hello.
My original intent was just to catalouge daily events in the IT Technician field. The normal day to day occurances, and the wonderfully intelligent people that I come across as I make my daily rounds. I understand alot of this is going to be lost on people, (Them: I think my NIC Card!) but, as I don't see this blog reaching a much larger base than my friends, most of you will either get it, or just ignore me, which I'm use to by now.

However, even as I write this, I forsee the many different directions this is going to go. I'm sure at somepoint I'll start linking any/all photography sessions I go on, which if a certain webmaster will update the server, I can get a working site to accompany the link to www.thegreatestmemories.com.

I'm even toying with the idea's of doing some kind of technical reference... mainly for my own good, where people can post any problems they're having with computer related software where we all can go for some troubleshooting ideas.

Who knows, maybe (and by 'maybe' I mean most likely) this will all just turn into a giant posting of happy hour stoires, World of Warcraft jokes, and endless quotes from "Arrested Development".

For now, I'm making like a tree, and getting the hell out.