Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Those Tricky Elevators

Unfortunately, this does not fall into the "computer" category. I've been pretty quiet on the blog front for the past few months, so I figured this story would be as good as any to post.

Everyone has been that guy (or girl). You are riding in an elevator, it stops and the door open. Without paying attention, you make a move to walk off when you realize that it is only the second floor, and you're trying to go to the eighth. Its normal, and by no means blog-worthy.

This person, is not that guy (or girl)".

I'm in the lobby heading back to my office which is located on the fourth floor. So, when I get on the elevator I instinctively press "4". Another person gets on right behind me, who then presses "3", I assume he works on the 3rd floor. Then boards the third person who waits until
the doors close to press her floor, which is the "M". As elevators do, it went up one floor to the "M", stopped, dung, and the doors opened. Well, she stands there for a good two seconds, until the doors start to close, and says "OH! This is my floor?!
I thought it would stop for you guys first!"

The other person and I just looked at each other and laughed once she got off.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

No Title Needed

I've talked about the tier one support before, and how unimpressive their technological skills are yet never cease to amaze us with the lack of effort they put forth in their bumbling attempts to "help" people. For every person I blog about (which apparenlty has been in the 60's), there are at least two stories of these bafoons I could tell but choose not to because the conversations only last a few seconds. They will ask things like "Why can't this person get on the internet?" To which I/we will reply "Are they connected to it?" "Oh, I didn't ask... hang on". That is but a small example of what we deal with. It is really more the lack of effort than the actual questions. Not knowing something is one thing, but not even TRYING is something else.



This time... I can't help but share. I was so excited, I dropped the phone, and proclaimed this to be the BEST phone call I have ever recieved, and will stop taking calls from our tier one due to never being able to top it.



Caller: This is *insert name here*. I have a question for you. Where is the power-button on the *insert workstation type*.

Me: As in... the button you press to turn it on?

Caller: Yes.

Me: So... it IS plugged in... you just don't know how to activate it?

Caller: Correct.

Me: Have you tried looking at the FRONT of the box?

Caller: Well... no... I mean... I can't find it.

Me: Check the frong again... there should be a power-button right above the Dell logo.

Caller: Oh... okay... thanks...



Wow.....

Monday, August 23, 2010

More Bars; More Stupidity

It took me a couple of days, but I was finally able to arrange an appointment with this one particualry indiviudal who apparently, needed their blackberry setup. I emailed them a few minutes before I left my office to make sure they where at their desk. They where, so, off I went. I walked to the stair case right outside my door, went up the two floors, and crossed a hallway to get to this persons desk. It was a TOTAL, of no more than 30 feet (as a crow flies anyway).
The following conversation took place between the hours of 730.30 and 730.37. The converstaion happened in real-time.

"Hi, I'm Nick, I'm with IT."
*confused look* "okay..."
"I am here to setup your blackberry... I JUST talked to you."
"Okay."
"..... do you have your blackberry?"
"No"
"Did you leave it at home?"
"No"
"..... do you HAVE a blackberry?"
"No."
"Ah. Okay. Well, when you get one let me know, then we can help you set it up."

*sigh*

Friday, August 13, 2010

Shake Rattle and Roll

I am going to start off with taking some advice I gave to a co-worker the other day. I am just going to start typing whatever comes into my head until I find a way to open and close this blog. It really shouldn't be that hard, it is about some silly users who don't know how to use a computer, how hard can it be to write about that? I guess that just after so many posts, the creative aspect of writing is starting to go away. There are just so many ways I can open up with "So, this user walks in" or "I got a phone call from so and so". The setup is generally always the same, its just the punch line that changes. Any advice on what I can do/say to add more variety to my posts will be greatly appreciated.

"I need you to come down to the NRCC and take a look at some of the computer, people are saying they can't login." (see how I just hoped right into it there?)
As I try to sneak into the room without disturbing the meeting going on, I'm called about the instructor that I'm the IT guy, and anytime they need help, come see me. He then proceeds to tell me that there are several computers that are not working/people can't login to them. He also then tells me "I think this one computer is actually broken, it rattles when I shake it", to which I immediately replied, "Well then don't shake it! Its not a rattle!"
As for the non-working computers.... they where turned off. I just needed to turn them on.

/sigh

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

We don't need no stinkin wires.

While investigating a "User can not connect to the internet/network" ticket, I was also asked to help someone else in the same room. This is how that conversation went:

User: Can you get me a longer internet cord? As you can see, its stretching over my co-workers desk, and I don't want it to interfere with him. Its been like this for a week, and no one will help.
Me: [Pushes cable so it falls behind the desk that it is stretching across] Is that better?
User: .... yes.

Friday, July 2, 2010

/Facepalm

User: I need help printing.
Me: Okay. What seems to be the problem?
User: Where does the document go when I print?
Me: .... to the print device?
User: No, I mean which one?
Me: The printer you selected...?
User: But where is it?

[Nick looks over the computer and notices the user is attempting to print to "OneNote"]

Me: Well, first, you're not actually printing to a print device...
User: I know, but when this screen pops up [pointing to the OneNote image], where does it go?
Me: It goes to the screen...? The file doesn't move, it stays where you opened it from.
User: Okay, but then why can't I print it?
Me: Because you don't have an ACTUAL Printer selected.
User: I know because...
Me: Here. [Clicks on a printer] You're all set. Just hit print, and walk over to THAT printer to pick up what you want printed.

I'll be here all week....

User: I need some help when you get a second.
Me: Okay... what seems to be the problem?
User: I need your help to install a webpage.
Me: .... You need me to install a webpage?
User: Yes, I can't access *insert web page*
Me: You can't access it, or you can't get to it?
User: I can't get to it. I need you to install it.
Me: Okay, well what is the address?
User: I don't know. I just need you to install it for me.
Me: Do you know HOW a webpage works?
User: Yes, I just need you to install it.

[Walks across stage to users computer. Nick begins typing on keyboard while user looks over shoulder]

Me: So, is THIS the webpage you need installed?
User: YES! Thank you!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

To be OR.....

So, there I was, minding my own business, when this woman walks into our office, stating she needs to get her profile setup on her laptop. So , I take her to the 'setup profile' station, and attempt to get her to login. It turns out, for whatever reason, the image was corrupted, and Windows was unable to verify the license. Fine, whatever, we, as IT had a solution to the problem. THAT is not where my all-star comes into play. What takes place over the next sixty seconds is what had me almost crying I was laughing so hard.
"Okay, we'll need to re-image your machine. You can either go back to your property manager and get a new computer, OR, you can wait 3-5 days for us to fix this one."
"Well, it doesn't sound like you're giving me a choice."
I smile politely and say okay, so you'll go get a replacement?
"Wait.... what? I thought you said its going to take 5 days to fix."
"I did say that, OR you can go get a replacement."
"So... what are my options?"
".... you're options are to go get a new computer, OR wait for this to be fixed."
"But, what are you going to do with this one if I go get a new computer?"
".... fix it."
"But why would I get a new computer if you're going to fix this one?"
"So you have a computer now, instead of in five days."
"So, you're going to give my property manager a broken computer?"
"No, we are going to fix this one. Whatever you decide, this computer will be fixed in three to five days, you choice is to WAIT, or NOT wait, and get a new one now."
"I don't understand."
At this point, I threw my hands up in the air. I had no other way to describe to this woman that she did in fact have a choice. Finally, she just gave up and said "You know, I'm tired, I don't want to deal with this now, I'll just wait for the computer to be fixed."
"Very good ma'am. Have a good weekend."


Wow.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Sorry, we're out of internets.

There was a power-surge in one of the buildings last night/this morning, which caused our network in the building to go 'offline'. While our network guys were fixing the problem, I was tapped to do the wonderful task of telling people as they walked in (because, they couldn't read the sign that we posted on the door), "There was a poor outage last night, and all of the internet/network at this site is currently unavailable. We are currently fixing the problem, and it will be ready when its ready."
The floor I was assigned is in fact, an "IT" floor. These people are government employee's. I had the following conversation, I kid you not, at LEAST five times.

Me: * Sch-peal*
User: Oh, well I can still user the internet right?
Me: No *Sch-peal*
User: Oh, well, I can still get email right?
Me: No, *Sch-peal*
User: Why not? It is just Outlook.

/facepalm

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Whats in a name anyway?

Earlier today, I had one of the weirdest conversations of the past... well, few days anyway. I have been a part of MANY strange conversations in my day ("Who would win in a fight, a Cat or a Squirrel with a shoulder cannon?" being at the top of the list). This conversation wasn't with a user, but I still deem it blog-worthy.

As a setup, we were instructed to take inventory of all the equipment we have been issued. The email stated who we should send the email to. I am not the person. I share two common letters of my first name with the person, thats about it. His name is shorter than mine, and our last name are nothing alike.
I return to my desk after grabbing lunch, and notice someone looking at my name plate. I didn't think anything of it, until about five minutes later when I got an email with said persons equipment list. Being the smart-a$$ I am, I called him out saying I'm not the person that he needs to send this to. "Yes you are" he tells me. He then goes to my name plate and says "See?"
I look at the person next to me and say... "Yeah... thats my name, but again, I'm not the person you are suppose to send it to."
"Oh. Well, we need to change this nameplate then."
"....why?"
"Because, its not who it says it is."
"No, it does say who sits there. We don't need to change the nameplate, OR my name. You just need to send the email to the right person."

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I can't make this stuff up.

User: I am having issues with my local printer. It is saying its "offline". I tried turning it off and back on again, but that didn't work.
Me: Have you tried plugging it in?
User: D'oh.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Explain it to me like I'm from the year 1985

I'm sure we've all had the preceding phrase (or a variation there of) muttered to us at some point in our lives.

I need you to go to your desktop, and click on "My Computer".
Go to my where?
Your desktop.
What is that?
.... you're desktop....
What is that?
The screen with all your icons.
Screen with all my icons...
You know the screen that shows up when you FIRST boot into windows.
Outlook?
No. The place with all the icons. My Computer. My Documents. Recycle Bin....
I don't have that.
I'm pretty sure you do ma'am.
Okay - I found my computer.
Good, double click on that.

The rest of the conversation just goes down hill from there. I mean, if someone doesn't know what the "Desktop" is, how are you suppose to explain a DOS Prompt or Network drives?

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Power bone connects to the, Monitor bone...

This is another one of those no setup needed posts. Person complains his monitor doesn't power on, but it worked fine before he moved offices. *SPOILER ALERT* It wasn't plugged in.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

LEGO my... D'oh!

I was going to hold off on writing this, but I decided, I needed to get something written in the month of April, so here we are.

Along with the test I suggested everyone take when they are hired, I am also going to recommend all new people get a pack of LEGOs with their welcome packet to see if they can understand the concept of putting together basic shapes.

I was playing phone tag of sorts with this particular user for a day or two. In my defense, my ticket only said it was a local printer install, so while I was attempting to make find a conveninet time for both of us, he was not my most pressing issue as he could always just walk the extra ten feet and go to the other print device. I walked into this person office and his boss says "Finally, (person x) can start working)!" So, I proceed to find out what needs to be done. Turns out, he needs his Docking Station, SECOND Monitor, Blackberry configured, and Printer setup. The only thing that actually requires IT help, is the Blackberry and printer setup, as they need software installed. The docking station and second monitor is "Put the round peg in the round hole" Sesame Street stuff that two and three year olds do (shout out to Peter and Aaron!). This user was apparently telling his boss that he couldn't do any work without all of his accessories setup.
I think I'm going to claim that I am unable to work because I don't have an iPad. I wonder if my company will cave and get me one....

Friday, March 26, 2010

Printer? I hardly knew her.

Phew. I am glad I got to blog one more time this month. Two thousand and ten started off pretty fast, but things started to slow down these past few weeks. However, if I haven't said it before, I am saying it now, never underestimate the power (or lack there of) of the human mind.

I received a ticket regarding a printer that "Suddenly stopped working". So, I go down to take a look at it. There, on the printer in question, is a note that says "Printer broken, ticket number ". Well, the first thing I notice, is the printer, is in fact turned off. Chuckling to myself, thinking there HAS to be more to this, I turn the print device back on. After it powers on and runs through the test, I get another notification of what just MIGHT be wrong with the printer. There, on the screen, is a message saying "replace toner on three drums". So, my question now isn't whats wrong with the printer, its "When was the "printer broken" sign put on the machine?" Was it when the message was displayed that you need to replace the toner, or was it placed on the machine when it was turned off?


/facepalm

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Paper Weight

Ah blogging. How I have missed you. Its such a shame that I don't get more blog-worthy entries on a daily basis. I guess that just make the select few that much more special.

Now, pay attention, maybe you can help this user too!

Yesterday, we stopped in on a user who explained to us that his printer doesn't work properly. Apparently, the printer "shredded" paper as it was trying to feed. He then mentioned that it only does it when he puts a lot of paper in the tray, but when he puts about 3/4 the normal amount, the printer works fine. He then showed us, that the printer does in fact work, when he only put one ream of paper into the tray. The one tech that I was with told the user that he will "Take a look at the printer." Can you guess what I said to him, and what I advised the user to do in the future?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Change of pace

Every so often I stumble across some entertaining technological tidbit and feel compelled to share it. This is one of those times. The video is about the direction technology (and life) are headed, and how video games have influenced it. It may SOUND boring, but if you, or someone you know, plays games then you are familiar with the topics he speaks about and should definitely give this video a look. I found the last ten minutes highly entertaining.

http://kotaku.com/5479125/points-for-toothbrushing-the-gaming-speech-everyone-is-talking-about

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Vagueness is key

Oh Tier 1 support. I've talked about our phone support staff before, but this is a new high... or low for them. Maybe I'm feeling particularly picky today, but I don't see how the following phrase is helpful to the person you are trying to escalate the ticket to: "The computer is totally blank or something."

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Stupid Metric System

Every once in awhile, everyone makes mistakes. I am no exception. However, if I made an exception for everyone I blogged about, I wouldn't have a blog at all, so I'll post my ID10T moment.

I was shopping online the other day for a USB Extender. I figured I needed about six feet. While searching on Amazon, I found a cable but quickly discarded it because it only measured two meters.

*sigh*

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Printer Printer against the wall.....

What started off as a drum replacement turned into much more.
Somewhere along the way, the drivers for the print device I was working on became corrupt. So, instead of going to 50 computers deleting/remapping everyone to it, I decide to go the more "efficient" route, and talk to everyone at once.

First, I was told, by a person in the front, to use the microphone, they can't hear me. I think that is the first time in my life someone has ever told me I'm being too quiet. So, I get on the microphone and begin to explain the process of reinstalling the printer. Surprisingly, it went pretty smooth. The first 80% of my directions went as well as could be expected. I had a few questions, but nothing I wasn't expecting given some of the people in the room.

"Double click on the B_9500 icon, and that will map you to the printer." Without fail, someone objected.
"Which one? There are two 9500s"
"There is only one B 9500"
"No, there are two, 9500, and 9500c"
"Again. There is only ONE 9500 in B, the other is in A."
Somehow, this person CONTINUED to argue with me.
"No, there are 2, a 9500, and 9500c!"
"Again. There is only ONE 9500 in B. The other is in Area A"
No. I did not mistakenly type the same conversation twice. This is how it actually played out.

Thankfully, there was another tech standing who went over and showed this person the error of their ways.

My story does not end there though.

No sooner do I get back to my station, then another "Punisher" comes up and says "The printer isn't working for me, and I know its not my fault, one of your guys set the printer up for me." *sigh* I decided to follow them back. This "All-Star" tells me the printer isn't printing her documents. Now, I can see on the screen that the document successfully printed. So I ask "When did you print this document?" "About a minute ago." I walk over to the print device and see that nothing else is in the que. I am about to tell them to reprint, when I notice, there, ON TOP OF THE PRINTER, FACE UP, is the document that "did not print."

/facepalm

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

STOMP, CLAP. STOMP STOMP CLAP

"Excuse me, can you come look at my computer?"
Reluctantly, I walked over to this persons desk. He told me his display was wavey/off color, and it happens when and is resolved by, stomping his foot. "Here, I'll show you." He then, I crap you not, proceeded to slam his foot onto the floor, much like he was crushing a cockroach.
"See, look what its doing!" Sure enough, the monitor began to change colors. When he was done, I calmly asked him:
"Sir, have you tried NOT stomping your foot?"

I have not heard from him since.


/facepalm

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Culmination of the day

Okay, I got my troubleshooting blog out of the way earlier today, so now I can work on what everyone wants to read about, my "All-Stars." These aren't really stories today, more of just random things said to me. However, the one other bit of troubleshooting I did was entertaining.

I have blogged about something like this before, but I never grow tired of it. This lady came up to me in a panic telling me her email doesn't work. I asked her what made her think this, and she said "I haven't received an email in over 20 minutes!" I asked her if she is sure she has been sent mail. Of course, her answer was no. So, I had her send me a test message, to which I replied, and of course, my name appeared in the 'inbox'. As I was walking away, I told her "Sometimes, people don't get mail, because they aren't suppose to get mail."

I hope this falls under the "Mouth just not saying what the mind is thinking", but its still funny. In a dead serious tone, someone came up to me and said the following:
User: My computer won't type right, everything is in little caps.

Office 2007 Troubleshooing

So, as my loyal followers, all eight of them, know, I take great pleasure in laughing at the technological challenged. However, there are sometimes in dealing with my All-Stars that I might actually end up learning something. This is one of those times. Unfortunately, this isn't so much an "Id10T" post as it is a "for future reference" post. Sorry if I have let you down, but I'm sure someone will do something mock-worthy in the next few hours to get my blog back on track.

An hour long troubleshooting slash research time waste short, a user from the previous shift was working on a report that they watermarked. Well, this morning, using the "remove watermark" button was not doing what its name implied it would do. Copying and pasting the document into a new one removed the mark, however, it was throwing off the alignment of the report. Doing some research, I came to the conclusion that the document, in one form or another, was created in Word 2003, and 2007 was having an issue translating the text. While that may have been the case, that was not solution.

The author of the document created the watermark as a "header" instead of a watermark. Should this happen to you, clicking the "insert" tab, and then clicking the "Header" button, and then, towards the bottom of the menu, click the "Remove Header" icon, will successfully remove the watermark. While I did not attempt it, I would imagine that "Remove Footer" would also be something to try should the "Header" option not work.

Friday, January 15, 2010

The Pen is Mightier

Employers should add another step in the "paperwork" process for new emploee's. For the most part, your first day on the job is spent filling out paperwork anyway, so they might as well add another fifteen minutes so they can take a "Technology Assesment Test", or TAT. The results will determine what, if any, type of equipment the individual will recieve. For example:

If they think the mouse, is a memeber of the rodent family, they will be issued: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B000JTOYLS/ref=cm_rdp_product/280-0937699-6771810. That may seem harsh, but check out those reviews!
If they are unaware of the concept known as "printing", they will be given a typewriter. The noise may get to be a bit much, so they can be locked in a room and be told to pretend they work at Sterling Cooper. (That is a "Mad Men" reference to those who do not watch the show.)
Lastly, if they show basic knowledge, they will be given a computer (specs/programs of said computer to be deteremined by the score they recieve).

This idea came to me when earlier today someone came up to me telling me he was having printer issues. I asked him what kind of issue, he replied, "I don't know, it won't print".
I do not know what would possess me to ask my next question, I think in any other situation, I would have looked like a complete donkey, luckily, it was the right thing to ask. "Sir, have you tried printing?" "Well...no." "Why don't you try printing first, and then tell me if you have an issue."

Congratulations sir. Enjoy your Bic.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

TESTING, testing ONE, TWo, three

Granted, its only been a year, but it never ceases to amaze me how much blame 'equipment' recieves. Take for example someone talking on a microphone. During a briefing, the microphone would 'fade in and out'. Naturally, someone came up to me after the talk to tell me there is "something wrong with the mic". That "something" can be resolved by simply TALKING INTO THE MIC!!! I guess they failed to notice that the mic would "cut out" when the speakers head tilted back, but picked up again when he moved closer.

*sigh*

"Hate"i

(To be clear, I do not hate Haiti, however... the people that are assisting those in need are another story)

I don't understand how people can just become dumb. Maybe they see us (techs) walking around the floor and forget basic computer use. Like meeting a doctor at a bar and asking about a rash on your neck. You know it is not an issue, but you figure, what the hell, he's here.

So far, my favorite "All-Stars" have been:
Person A
This person wanted to know how to access all the emails everyone else was seeing. I asked him if he is trying to see EVERYONE's email, to which he replied "yes". I told him that is not possible, you can only view emails that are sent to you. He said "Oh, well, how do I do that?" "Open...outlook?" "How do I do that?"

Person B
This individual has had a few issues, he is what in our office, we refer to as a "Punisher". He has at least had what I consider to be "valid" questions.... until he hit the "reset" button, and we then had the following conversation:
Person B: So, I hit the reset button... what does that mean?
Me: It means your computer is resetting....
Person B: So... does that mean I have to login again?
Me: Yes.
Person B: All the way?!
Me: ...yes....
Person B: Well, how do I prevent this from happening?
Me: By not pressing reset.

More to come as the day(s) go on.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Duplicate Duplicate Email Email

I recently came into possession a ticket from a user stating (as you will soon see) that she is recieving duplicate emails. While the issue itself isn't what makes the blog worthy, it's the way she handled it that does. Here is the email.

"Hi Enterprise Helpdesk – I am wondering if you can help me with a strange problem. I often receive duplicate emails from a wide variety of people. It seems to be a problem with Outlook. I have attached an example of duplicate emails to better explain my problem." In her emails are two attachments of the same email.

Email Fail.

Monday, January 4, 2010

New Year, Same People

As I have yet to contact the person in question here, I'm only going to comment on the actual ticket itself.

"User is not connecting to the network. I [Help desk phone support] asked if the laptop was plugged into the wall with a network cord, and she stated that she did not have one of those."

I wonder why she can't connect....