Stupid Metric System

Every once in awhile, everyone makes mistakes. I am no exception. However, if I made an exception for everyone I blogged about, I wouldn't have a blog at all, so I'll post my ID10T moment.

I was shopping online the other day for a USB Extender. I figured I needed about six feet. While searching on Amazon, I found a cable but quickly discarded it because it only measured two meters.

*sigh*

Printer Printer against the wall.....

What started off as a drum replacement turned into much more.
Somewhere along the way, the drivers for the print device I was working on became corrupt. So, instead of going to 50 computers deleting/remapping everyone to it, I decide to go the more "efficient" route, and talk to everyone at once.

First, I was told, by a person in the front, to use the microphone, they can't hear me. I think that is the first time in my life someone has ever told me I'm being too quiet. So, I get on the microphone and begin to explain the process of reinstalling the printer. Surprisingly, it went pretty smooth. The first 80% of my directions went as well as could be expected. I had a few questions, but nothing I wasn't expecting given some of the people in the room.

"Double click on the B_9500 icon, and that will map you to the printer." Without fail, someone objected.
"Which one? There are two 9500s"
"There is only one B 9500"
"No, there are two, 9500, and 9500c"
"Again. There is only ONE 9500 in B, the other is in A."
Somehow, this person CONTINUED to argue with me.
"No, there are 2, a 9500, and 9500c!"
"Again. There is only ONE 9500 in B. The other is in Area A"
No. I did not mistakenly type the same conversation twice. This is how it actually played out.

Thankfully, there was another tech standing who went over and showed this person the error of their ways.

My story does not end there though.

No sooner do I get back to my station, then another "Punisher" comes up and says "The printer isn't working for me, and I know its not my fault, one of your guys set the printer up for me." *sigh* I decided to follow them back. This "All-Star" tells me the printer isn't printing her documents. Now, I can see on the screen that the document successfully printed. So I ask "When did you print this document?" "About a minute ago." I walk over to the print device and see that nothing else is in the que. I am about to tell them to reprint, when I notice, there, ON TOP OF THE PRINTER, FACE UP, is the document that "did not print."

/facepalm

STOMP, CLAP. STOMP STOMP CLAP

"Excuse me, can you come look at my computer?"

Reluctantly, I walked over to this persons desk. He told me his display was wavey/off color, and it happens when and is resolved by, stomping his foot. "Here, I'll show you." He then, I crap you not, proceeded to slam his foot onto the floor, much like he was crushing a cockroach.

"See, look what its doing!" Sure enough, the monitor began to change colors. When he was done, I calmly asked him:

"Sir, have you tried NOT stomping your foot?"

I have not heard from him since.

/facepalm

A Culmination of the day

Okay, I got my troubleshooting blog out of the way earlier today, so now I can work on what everyone wants to read about, my "All-Stars." These aren't really stories today, more of just random things said to me. However, the one other bit of troubleshooting I did was entertaining.

I have blogged about something like this before, but I never grow tired of it. This lady came up to me in a panic telling me her email doesn't work. I asked her what made her think this, and she said "I haven't received an email in over 20 minutes!" I asked her if she is sure she has been sent mail. Of course, her answer was no. So, I had her send me a test message, to which I replied, and of course, my name appeared in the 'inbox'. As I was walking away, I told her "Sometimes, people don't get mail, because they aren't suppose to get mail."

I hope this falls under the "Mouth just not saying what the mind is thinking", but its still funny. In a dead serious tone, someone came up to me and said the following:
User: My computer won't type right, everything is in little caps.

Office 2007 Troubleshooing

So, as my loyal followers, all eight of them, know, I take great pleasure in laughing at the technological challenged. However, there are sometimes in dealing with my All-Stars that I might actually end up learning something. This is one of those times. Unfortunately, this isn't so much an "Id10T" post as it is a "for future reference" post. Sorry if I have let you down, but I'm sure someone will do something mock-worthy in the next few hours to get my blog back on track.

An hour long troubleshooting slash research time waste short, a user from the previous shift was working on a report that they watermarked. Well, this morning, using the "remove watermark" button was not doing what its name implied it would do. Copying and pasting the document into a new one removed the mark, however, it was throwing off the alignment of the report. Doing some research, I came to the conclusion that the document, in one form or another, was created in Word 2003, and 2007 was having an issue translating the text. While that may have been the case, that was not solution.

The author of the document created the watermark as a "header" instead of a watermark. Should this happen to you, clicking the "insert" tab, and then clicking the "Header" button, and then, towards the bottom of the menu, click the "Remove Header" icon, will successfully remove the watermark. While I did not attempt it, I would imagine that "Remove Footer" would also be something to try should the "Header" option not work.

The Pen is Mightier

Employers should add another step in the "paperwork" process for new emploee's. For the most part, your first day on the job is spent filling out paperwork anyway, so they might as well add another fifteen minutes so they can take a "Technology Assesment Test", or TAT. The results will determine what, if any, type of equipment the individual will recieve. For example:

If they think the mouse, is a memeber of the rodent family, they will be issued: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B000JTOYLS/ref=cm_rdp_product/280-0937699-6771810. That may seem harsh, but check out those reviews!
If they are unaware of the concept known as "printing", they will be given a typewriter. The noise may get to be a bit much, so they can be locked in a room and be told to pretend they work at Sterling Cooper. (That is a "Mad Men" reference to those who do not watch the show.)
Lastly, if they show basic knowledge, they will be given a computer (specs/programs of said computer to be deteremined by the score they recieve).

This idea came to me when earlier today someone came up to me telling me he was having printer issues. I asked him what kind of issue, he replied, "I don't know, it won't print".
I do not know what would possess me to ask my next question, I think in any other situation, I would have looked like a complete donkey, luckily, it was the right thing to ask. "Sir, have you tried printing?" "Well...no." "Why don't you try printing first, and then tell me if you have an issue."

Congratulations sir. Enjoy your Bic.

TESTING, testing ONE, TWo, three

Granted, its only been a year, but it never ceases to amaze me how much blame 'equipment' recieves. Take for example someone talking on a microphone. During a briefing, the microphone would 'fade in and out'. Naturally, someone came up to me after the talk to tell me there is "something wrong with the mic". That "something" can be resolved by simply TALKING INTO THE MIC!!! I guess they failed to notice that the mic would "cut out" when the speakers head tilted back, but picked up again when he moved closer.

*sigh*

"Hate"i

(To be clear, I do not hate Haiti, however... the people that are assisting those in need are another story)

I don't understand how people can just become dumb. Maybe they see us (techs) walking around the floor and forget basic computer use. Like meeting a doctor at a bar and asking about a rash on your neck. You know it is not an issue, but you figure, what the hell, he's here.

So far, my favorite "All-Stars" have been:
Person A
This person wanted to know how to access all the emails everyone else was seeing. I asked him if he is trying to see EVERYONE's email, to which he replied "yes". I told him that is not possible, you can only view emails that are sent to you. He said "Oh, well, how do I do that?" "Open...outlook?" "How do I do that?"

Person B
This individual has had a few issues, he is what in our office, we refer to as a "Punisher". He has at least had what I consider to be "valid" questions.... until he hit the "reset" button, and we then had the following conversation:
Person B: So, I hit the reset button... what does that mean?
Me: It means your computer is resetting....
Person B: So... does that mean I have to login again?
Me: Yes.
Person B: All the way?!
Me: ...yes....
Person B: Well, how do I prevent this from happening?
Me: By not pressing reset.

More to come as the day(s) go on.

Duplicate Duplicate Email Email

I recently came into possession a ticket from a user stating (as you will soon see) that she is recieving duplicate emails. While the issue itself isn't what makes the blog worthy, it's the way she handled it that does. Here is the email.

"Hi Enterprise Helpdesk – I am wondering if you can help me with a strange problem. I often receive duplicate emails from a wide variety of people. It seems to be a problem with Outlook. I have attached an example of duplicate emails to better explain my problem." In her emails are two attachments of the same email.

Email Fail.

New Year, Same People

As I have yet to contact the person in question here, I'm only going to comment on the actual ticket itself.

"User is not connecting to the network. I [Help desk phone support] asked if the laptop was plugged into the wall with a network cord, and she stated that she did not have one of those."

I wonder why she can't connect....