To be OR.....

So, there I was, minding my own business, when this woman walks into our office, stating she needs to get her profile setup on her laptop. So , I take her to the 'setup profile' station, and attempt to get her to login. It turns out, for whatever reason, the image was corrupted, and Windows was unable to verify the license. Fine, whatever, we, as IT had a solution to the problem. THAT is not where my all-star comes into play. What takes place over the next sixty seconds is what had me almost crying I was laughing so hard.

"Okay, we'll need to re-image your machine. You can either go back to your property manager and get a new computer, OR, you can wait 3-5 days for us to fix this one."

"Well, it doesn't sound like you're giving me a choice."

I smile politely and say okay, so you'll go get a replacement?

"Wait.... what? I thought you said its going to take 5 days to fix."

"I did say that, OR you can go get a replacement."

"So... what are my options?"

".... you're options are to go get a new computer, OR wait for this to be fixed."

"But, what are you going to do with this one if I go get a new computer?"
".... fix it."

"But why would I get a new computer if you're going to fix this one?"
"So you have a computer now, instead of in five days."
"So, you're going to give my property manager a broken computer?"

"No, we are going to fix this one. Whatever you decide, this computer will be fixed in three to five days, you choice is to WAIT, or NOT wait, and get a new one now."
"I don't understand."

At this point, I threw my hands up in the air. I had no other way to describe to this woman that she did in fact have a choice. Finally, she just gave up and said "You know, I'm tired, I don't want to deal with this now, I'll just wait for the computer to be fixed."

"Very good ma'am. Have a good weekend."

Wow.

Sorry, we're out of internets.

There was a power-surge in one of the buildings last night/this morning, which caused our network in the building to go 'offline'. While our network guys were fixing the problem, I was tapped to do the wonderful task of telling people as they walked in (because, they couldn't read the sign that we posted on the door), "There was a poor outage last night, and all of the internet/network at this site is currently unavailable. We are currently fixing the problem, and it will be ready when its ready."

The floor I was assigned is in fact, an "IT" floor. These people are government employee's. I had the following conversation, I kid you not, at LEAST five times.

Me: * Sch-peal*

User: Oh, well I can still user the internet right?

Me: No *Sch-peal*

User: Oh, well, I can still get email right?

Me: No, *Sch-peal*

User: Why not? It is just Outlook.

/facepalm

Whats in a name anyway?

Earlier today, I had one of the weirdest conversations of the past... well, few days anyway. I have been a part of MANY strange conversations in my day ("Who would win in a fight, a Cat or a Squirrel with a shoulder cannon?" being at the top of the list). This conversation wasn't with a user, but I still deem it blog-worthy.

As a setup, we were instructed to take inventory of all the equipment we have been issued. The email stated who we should send the email to. I am not the person. I share two common letters of my first name with the person, thats about it. His name is shorter than mine, and our last name are nothing alike.

I return to my desk after grabbing lunch, and notice someone looking at my name plate. I didn't think anything of it, until about five minutes later when I got an email with said persons equipment list. Being the smart-a$$ I am, I called him out saying I'm not the person that he needs to send this to. "Yes you are" he tells me. He then goes to my name plate and says "See?"

I look at the person next to me and say... "Yeah... thats my name, but again, I'm not the person you are suppose to send it to."

"Oh. Well, we need to change this nameplate then."

"....why?"

"Because, its not who it says it is."

"No, it does say who sits there. We don't need to change the nameplate, OR my name. You just need to send the email to the right person."

I can't make this stuff up.

User: I am having issues with my local printer. It is saying its "offline". I tried turning it off and back on again, but that didn't work.
Me: Have you tried plugging it in?
User: D'oh.

Explain it to me like I'm from the year 1985

I'm sure we've all had the preceding phrase (or a variation there of) muttered to us at some point in our lives.

I need you to go to your desktop, and click on "My Computer".
Go to my where?
Your desktop.
What is that?
.... you're desktop....
What is that?
The screen with all your icons.
Screen with all my icons...
You know the screen that shows up when you FIRST boot into windows.
Outlook?
No. The place with all the icons. My Computer. My Documents. Recycle Bin....
I don't have that.
I'm pretty sure you do ma'am.
Okay - I found my computer.
Good, double click on that.

The rest of the conversation just goes down hill from there. I mean, if someone doesn't know what the "Desktop" is, how are you suppose to explain a DOS Prompt or Network drives?

Power bone connects to the, Monitor bone...

This is another one of those no setup needed posts. Person complains his monitor doesn't power on, but it worked fine before he moved offices. *SPOILER ALERT* It wasn't plugged in.

LEGO my... D'oh!

I was going to hold off on writing this, but I decided, I needed to get something written in the month of April, so here we are.

Along with the test I suggested everyone take when they are hired, I am also going to recommend all new people get a pack of LEGOs with their welcome packet to see if they can understand the concept of putting together basic shapes.

I was playing phone tag of sorts with this particular user for a day or two. In my defense, my ticket only said it was a local printer install, so while I was attempting to make find a conveninet time for both of us, he was not my most pressing issue as he could always just walk the extra ten feet and go to the other print device. I walked into this person office and his boss says "Finally, (person x) can start working)!" So, I proceed to find out what needs to be done. Turns out, he needs his Docking Station, SECOND Monitor, Blackberry configured, and Printer setup. The only thing that actually requires IT help, is the Blackberry and printer setup, as they need software installed. The docking station and second monitor is "Put the round peg in the round hole" Sesame Street stuff that two and three year olds do (shout out to Peter and Aaron!). This user was apparently telling his boss that he couldn't do any work without all of his accessories setup.
I think I'm going to claim that I am unable to work because I don't have an iPad. I wonder if my company will cave and get me one....